I’m excited to say that I’m playing with my band again next Friday, Oct 9 at The Blarney Stone!!!

That’s right – I’m plugging in my uke and rockin’ various tunes with Marco Bucelli (drums), Matt Buttermann (guitar) with A Bass Player (bass) and special guest, my boy Soce, The Elemental Wizard.  If you’ve ever wanted to hear the live band version of my hit, Date an Asian, this is your chance!!!  I’ll be doing songs new and old, funny and “serious”!

We’re opening up for the album release party of my friend/former college flatmate/bandmate, Bracey Smith’s band, Charm Face (isn’t that an awesome name?!?!)!  They are big in Japan.  Seriously.  They just came back from Japan, where they were big.

This is their logo:

They will, like, charm your face off.

Charm Face Album Release Party
FREE show!
Fri, Oct 9 at 8pm
21+over

Blarney Stone, 2nd Floor
410 8th Ave
(Right outside of Penn Station/MSG by the corner of 31st St and 8th Ave)

The party starts at 8pm
The Jen Kwok experience will start at 8:30
The Comfort Food music video premiere will be at 9:30
and Charm Face will start at 9:45

We just got back from a great vacation in Upstate New York – Barryville, to be exact!

Tom and I had a great time, driving through the back roads and sitting in a cabin high enough to literally be amongst the trees!

We swam and paddle boated in a lake that reminded me of “The Parent Trap”:

We drove across this cool bridge that used to be a mini canal that boats floated in to go OVER the river.

We stalked this great blue heron until he gave us a superfierce shot:

The sunset was so pretty – the prettiest I’ve seen since I left the Mojave Desert:

It was such a great vacation, filled with reading, relaxing and movie watching (an electic mix: Gosford Park, Punch Drunk Love, A Fish Called Wanda, and 42nd Street).

Now we’re back in city, with full cell phone reception and Internet! Yes, work intrudes on life once again, but there are lots of things in September that have been/will be exciting (in no particular order)…

TOP FIVE FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT SEPTEMBER 2009 (so far)!

*Fall TV starts – and Bravo’s already got it going with Rachel Zoe and The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s fabuloco-ness!!!

*Hershey’s Birthday Cake Ice Cream is AMAZING (vanilla cake batter-flavored ice cream w/ sprinkles)!!!!!

*Anna Sui’s Gossip Girl-inspired clothing line for Target.

*This one time, Japan’s new First Lady spirit flew to Venus.

*Mosquitoes are hopefully dying off already.

First of all, look at this damn picture:

Tony Scherr at Jalopy, covered by The New York Times

This place is gorgeous!!!  The venue is a sweet throwback to the days of yore, with a red velvet curtain and dozens of vintage instruments lining the wall (and all for sale, as Jalopy is also a top notch instrument store/repair shop).   The seating in the intimate performance space is a combination of wooden chairs and pews, so it’s got a really down home feel to it.  This place makes you feel like you are at a word-of-mouth-only concert hall on the bayou – especially on a hot summer night

I highly HIGHLY recommend this place to both performers and music lovers.  I found out about Jalopy through some other NY uke players, and it’s one of those places that people just rave and rave and rave about – but it’s not until you see it with your own eyes that you can truly experience how special it is.   Plus, not only do they have a great roster of musicians stopping by to perform, they also offer classes for guitar, fiddle, mandolin banjo and uke.

Please visit Jalopy online:  http://jalopy.biz and ESPECIALLY visit them in person.  They have a little cafe/bar upfront, and serve wine in jam jars.  The owners and staff are some of the most hospitable people I’ve ever met – and their dogs, Pepe and Pirate, will just steal your heart.  This place has all the charm that the too-hip Manhattan and Williamsburg music venues are missing.

Anyway, I hope you do check it out – I guarantee that you’ll leave wanting to tell absolutely everyone you know about it too!  Jalopy is one of those rare venues that seems to come right out of the New York that everyone dreams of *sigh*….

Dig the adorable Wes Anderson-inspired den!

Tiffany is the supercool owner of Old Hollywood, an amazing vintage-inspired boutique on my street.  They have the best dresses, swimsuits – and were voted Best Jewelry by New York Magazine!  She’s a genius stylist and did me up for the photos, so if you like what you see, please check out Old Hollywood in Greenpoint, BK!  (Plus, I live nearby, so you can call me up and we can chiiiill.)

Also, MAJOR kuh-doooooz go to my photographer, Justin Hoch, a dear friend since our college days (we were business majors, if you can imagine)!  He has an incredible eye and is one of the most patient and easy-to-work-with people I’ve ever known.  Justin did these fun pics, as well as my actor’s head shot.  He has tons of great photos you can check out on his website, so ring him up whenever you need some professional photos done!

Thanks again to this awesome team – I couldn’t have done it without them.

And keep on the lookout for these pics all over town very soon!

THOSE motherfuckers.

Apparently, this is not the first time they have pulled these shenanigans.

Bernie goes to jail, the market is buoyant as a bag of toe nail clippers, and we are lured into buying more overpriced drinks with cheap tricks.

But hey, I’ll take it!

After grilling the baristas pretty thoroughly, my coworkers and I surmised that this $2 summer promotion is going on everyday for a month (at least in New York City!).  Odd that they started on June 30, 2009.  However, they’ll be continuing all the way through to the end of July – YIPPEE!!!  And here I was thinking I was going to have to forgo the sweet, artificial, love handle nurturing nectar of an iced upside down caramel macchiato with whipped cream this summer.

Nono, my morning tall iced Pike roast is going to subsidize the afternoon delight of my buttery, milky weakness.

I guess if you REALLY wanted to get crazy with it, you’d order the cheapest iced drink possible in the morning (iced espresso….which is…totally weird?) and a version of the most expensive iced drink possible in the afternoon (13 shot soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel) – assuming they allow extra shots with this deal.  Alternatively, you could just have them blend a muffin and some crack into your frappuccino.

And by the way, the $2 is + tax, meaning $2.17 for every afternoon drink.  It’s still about half off if you get an average $4 drink, but for Starbucks, that’s $2.17 that they wouldn’t have gotten from you  x 30 days x a lot of people + a friend who might tag along while you’re going out for your second drink of the day + any extra little snacks you might feel like buying once you’re in their Nora Jones-playing clutches.

This month-long situation will probably result in a lot of iced coffee (or tea) that you and I don’t need to be drinking, but it’s nice to feel like you’re getting a deal every once in a while – even if it does make you fat and jittery.

EVENT #1
Fri, Feb 27 at 9:30pm
Switzerland Neutral Comedy
The Tank at the 45th St Theatre
45th St btwn 8th/9th Ave
$10, no drink min.

Featuring:
OPHIRA EISENBERG
Jay Hoskins
Rachel Axelrod
Devin Sanchez
Evan Morgenstern
Danny Rhoulier
David Cope
Tijuana Yacht Club

Why should you come?
SNC is an awesome comedy collective that Eric and I have performed with since last year. We’re trying to move to new, regular digs at The Tank, so please come out and support – a great crowd and a great show will super help us establish a new home for comedy!!!

Here’s the facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=817190506&ref=name#/event.php?sid=898bfa17b8488ee7758106aa763074d6&eid=49144533373

EVENT #2
Sat, April 4, 8pm
Tijuana Yacht Club Anniversary Party and DVD Taping
Stain Bar
766 Grand St
FREE – just buy some drinks, playa!!!

Why should you come?
SAVE THE DATE!!!  It’s the one year anniversary of Tijuana Yacht Club and we want to celebrate with you!!! Eric and I have tons of new material and will be doing a DVD taping as well, so we need a great audience – YOU!  Stain Bar is our favorite venue in Brooklyn, with tons of funky couches and stuff, so it’s a chance for us to put on a full length show in a chilled out, intimate environment for our friends and fans.  The taping will only be about 45 min-1 hour, but the party rages all night long, before and waaay after!

Thanks, you guys!  For a full listing of all my live shows, please check out the Shows section of my blog, as well as my MySpace.  Both are updated with obsessive frequency.

From left: Al Gore at TED2006; Jane Goodall at TED2003; Brian Greene at TED2005

With the motto “Ideas worth spreading”, TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) has been putting on conferences for over twenty years to bring together brilliant people from these three industries.

Launched in 2007, their website features over 200 TEDTalk videos, which are 18 minute “Inspired talks by the world’s leading thinkers and doers”.  Wow!!!  These aren’t your ordinary “how-to” videos presented by teenage girls in their bedrooms – nonono, TED is like the Lincoln Center of YouTube.  Part personal storytelling/part motivational speech TED is The Moth with a point.

And now thanks to video, we can all sit at the table with the cool kids!  TED rolls with people like:  former VP Al Gore, THE Jane Goodall, and neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Tayler.  We’ve also got the class nerds and band geeks such as:  Johnny Lee (who actually was a YouTube star) hacking into Wii remote controls before our very eyes,  Sir Ken Robert talking about how the school system is killing creativity (whaaaa???), David Gallo showing us phosphorescent creatures of the deep and Nellie McKay performing some songs on piano and uke (though she doesn’t actually give a speech, as I don’t think anyone could sit through 18 minutes of someone talking in a 1930s voice).

My absolute favorite, though, is Benjamin Zander.  Zander is conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, and he has an INCREDIBLY infectious love for classical music and is a tireless cheerleader in sharing his passion with others.  Given by anybody else, this talk would have been a corny trainwreck, but Zander’s bursting-at-the-seams enthusiasm is really disarming.  Plus, he’s funny (middle-aged white dude funny)!  If he wanted to, he could be the next Victor Borge.

This entire series reminds me of a more mini-mic-wearing version of the Ira Glass storytelling video on YouTube that I looooove:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7KQ4vkiNUk&hl=en&fs=1]

He should do a TEDTalk!

Anyway, I think these talks are a great hybrid of educational and cultural content – weeee!  I am truly relieved that amongst all the crap that is being broadcast on YouTube (although I will always love Hamster on a Piano), we have some quality original videos online.   I’m preaching to the choir, but I think TED proves that although absolutely nothing can replace the magic of a live event, it’s fucking great when the good ones documented so that they can live on in embeddable, 3″x5″ glory!

But yeah, the prices were annoying.  Isn’t that why we moved out of Manhattan?! So we could have more normal-priced food?!?!

And the odd thing about this area of Brooklyn is that it’s NOT Williamsburg-trendy. However, the prices of some of the more hipster-y restaurants are higher than better restaurants in the East Village! Location is bi and it will screw you both ways.

Anyhoo, there are tons of VERY reasonable places, but we ruled out any Polish restaurants because Tom just came back from spending Christmas/New Year with his relatives in Germany, where all day-everyday it was potatoes and pork. We also nixed the sushi place that has been advertising free hot sake for its “Grand Opening” since we were apartment hunting in September.

We finally made it north of Greenpoint Avenue and started wandering towards an outpost of Pio Pio when we saw Papacitos with its crazy Ed Hardy-looking awning across the street.  We decided to go in after we saw the REASONABLE and pretty creative menu (compared to turkey burgers – seriously, Lokal?)!

It was a small place but adorably decorated with a pop pseudo-Mexican aesthetic (like Ugly Betty + El Centro).  We were greeted with these signs, letting us know that Happy Hour was every weekday from 11am-4pm:

A total of 25 hours of happiness are possible per week!

Tom and I ordered chicken pozole – one of my favorite dishes because of rockin’ HOMINY!!!  We also both got a trio of tacos:  lime pork, carne asada and tilapia.  Apparently we were crazy gluttons who ordered waaay more than people normally do (people usually EITHER do pozole or tacos).  But it was all excellent, so WHATEVER!!!  It definitely rivaled Tehuitzingo Deli in flavor, which I didn’t think was possible in New York.  The carne asada was really the best I ever had, but the fish taco was just alright to this born-and-raised Californian.

Everyone in the restaurant seemed to know each other, since this is probably the cheapest hipster-friendly restaurant in Greenpoint.  I mean, how could you beat a three dollar meal (assuming you went in and had two tacos for lunch everyday) and the soundtrack of XM Radio’s self-proclaimed “indie” channel?   And literally EVERYONE seemed to know the waiter, who was nice (but a little weird, if you ask me).  And in all, it was nice to have some yummy Mexican food in the neighborhood that wasn’t Chi-Mex or Tex-Mex. In our area of town, I still love The Creek in LIC more for atmosphere and draft beers and all that, but Papacitos is definitely on the list.  Can’t wait to go back for burritos – “The Portland” breakfast burrito in particular, which has freaking tater tots in it!  YEAAAH!!!

So while I was home in California, I got booked for my first show of 2009, Rivers of Honey.  I had no idea what to expect of this  “cabaret featuring women and trans artists of color” with the theme “Manifest Your Dream”, but it turned out to be one of THE best experiences I’ve ever had performing – ever (Top 3, at least).  Most of the time when you hear the words “cabaret” or “variety” you should probably run for the hills (with the exceptions of my favorites, Ukulele Cabaret and Wham Slam Bam Variety).  Now let’s throw in the fact that this show was all female, there were maaaybe three white people there and  I was probably the only straight person there.  This was the COMPLETE the polar opposite of most of the comedy shows that I do:  overwhelmingly male, white and hetero.

How I Got Involved with the Show

Producer and comedian Micia Mosely had booked me for a fundraiser in the fall after she found me through my MySpace.   WOW Cafe Theatre is a great little space in the East Village (though the elevator is dodgy), but the fundraiser just couldn’t compete with the vice presidential elections that were happening that same night, so it was a pretty “small” show.  However, coming back this time was a WHOLE other experience.

What the Show Was Like

First of all, they had a great group of friends and volunteers who were helping to put everything together and everyone was so welcoming.  Before soundcheck we all stood onstage and introduced ourselves and shared some hopes for 2009.  Usually I will make fun of some kumbaya stuff, but this was so genuine and you could feel every person in the room so present within that circle.  The energy was awesome!

This continued as the audience came in.  It was PACKED.  Sold out.  Beyond capacity.  People were siting on the floor and along the walls of the stage area.  They collected names for a few people to participate in the open mic, and there were a couple of singers, poets and spoken word artists.  Now usually in a comedy open mic, the “audience” (aka other comics) are staring at you like they are trying to shoot lasers from their eyes and/or dying of boredom because of how terrible and untalented everyone else is.  This crowd was SO supportive, and gave back the greatest energy.  Most audiences would have been tired out from just the open mic portion, but you could tell that this crowd was there to have fun.  People here WANTED to have a great time – so they just…did.  Compared to most shows, where the comic comes out like a gladiator to face audiences that expect/challenge/dare you to make them have a great time – or else.  I mean, this was some fuzzy wuzzy stuff.

Host Kibibi Dillon had the crowd going with her hilarious material, and somehow along the way,  three audience sing-alongs happened between the end of the open mic and the beginning of the actual show.  Yeah, this was intense.  There were harmonies going on.  Like actual harmonies.  Fourths and fifths and stuff.  Counterpoint.  It was like lesbian church.

The first performer of the night was Paradahx The Ghetto Griot, who did an intense piece on Barack Obama that had everyone mesmerized – and again, this involved some singing along.  I was like, “Wow, this is like the summer camp I never got to go to as a kid – awesome!”  Keep in mind this entire time I’m backstage and kind of listening to everything that’s going on, with absolutely no clue as to the stage picture.  The energy of the performers and the crowd reached me all the way back there.  It was sick, ridiculous, infectious!

My Performance

I was performing second, and let me tell you:  I had been quite a wreck leading up to this show because:

a) It was the first show of the year, so of course I put pressure on myself!

b) I had been working on  a new song, but I had to cut it at the last minute because I knew it wasn’t ready.

c) Now I had a few minutes to fill but I didn’t want to do any old material, so I basically wrote the non-singing portion of my set on the train – all new stuff except for an Obama joke.

I’ve basically been trolloping around the city with the same set for about a year now (not that uncommon, but also not that admirable), extremely scared to write new stuff and occassionally delivering some stinkers that get quickly rotated out.  This night, the energy of the crowd was such that I was completely unafraid.  There was not a trace of the fear that has gripped me during every performance prior and I felt totally connected with the room.   WHAT?!  I know…miracle. Maybe it was my frame of mind.  Maybe it was the new year.  Maybe it was the extremely friendly lesbians.

And I did something that I’ve been trying to do since I started being a comedian:  I was a comedian.  I just WAS.  I wasn’t trying to be.  I wasn’t afraid and hiding and self-sabotagingly bombing so  I could use it as ammunition to try and convince myself to give up on this career and go back to a 9-to-5.  I wasn’t struggling to remember punchlines.  I wasn’t beating myself up during every moment of silence.  I wasn’t even fazed by some blank stares or whispers in the crowd.

Then I did something REALLY crazy (for me).  All on my own, with no pre-meditated idea I would do it, I performed a stand-up set comfortably without relying on my uke.  I have a few staples in my comedy routine:  “Funny Fat Girl” and “Homie” that book end the act.  But in between those songs, I just hide behind my strumming and tell jokes that probably make me seem like an American Idol-quality imitation of Demetri Martin or Mike Birbiglia or Rob Paravonian or every other guitar comedian out there (except with a ukulele).  So there I was, just…talking to the audience – which was laughing.  And most of all, I wasn’t scared out of my mind.  WHOAH!

More About My Fellow Performers

Next up was Holiday Simmons, who skilfully mixes spoken word, dance and drag.  She did a beautiful spoken word piece and then came back on later for some funky disco drag.  After was Kierstin Gray, who has an India.Arie vibe – though she is absolutely an original and crosses several genres beautifully.  Host Kibibi was absolutely hilarious, and I was really impressed that this was her first time doing a stand-up-ish hosting thing despite a background in acting and sketch.  She’s REALLY good, and I basically accosted her to pursue stand-up – or else.   The evening wrapped up with a beautiful, emotional – and SEXY AS HELL – dance from Dawn Robinson and Maija Garcia.  Seriously, the audience was crying and cumming left and right.

I got to meet amazing artists and  some super amazing audience members, and it’s a show I’ll never forget!  I was so grateful for all the connections I made and thank you to Micia and Shalonda Ingram for putting this great event on.  What a great way to start off the new year!!!

BUT WAIT…

Crazy Cab Ride Home

There was a damper on my night when I had to deal with one of my biggest fears since moving to Brooklyn:  that I’d get a cab driver who had NOOOO idea how to get around Brooklyn and would get us lost.  I jumped out of WOW Cafe Theater onto the corner of East 4th street and Bowery, where I thought, “Just my luck!  I’ll get into this cab that is just dropping someone off.”  I told the guy I was going to Brooklyn and he started going towards the bridge.  I was still on a high from the evening/not very good at directions anyway/the map on the TV in the back is permanently stuck on Herald Square.

By the time I realized he was getting on the Brooklyn Bridge instead of Williamsburg Bridge, I was like, “Fuck!”  When he was driving 30mph on the bridge like a granny, I finally realized, “This guy reaaally doesn’t know how to drive.  This is like day one on the job.  Fuuuuuck.”  He gets off the bridge and all he sees is BQE West, which I tell him is wrong.  At this point I could have gotten out, but I thought, “Quiet-ass downtown Brooklyn by myself at 12 in the morning.  No thanks.”  He rolls down his window and asks some girl in a red sports car how to get to the BQE East.  She scoffs – appropriately, “You’re asking me?!” and drives off.  I have no idea how to get to the freeway from where we are, and he then approaches two girls walking along Cadman Plaza.  They, thankfully, live in the area and know exactly which direction to point us.  They look at me in the backseat with pity as they walk away in their Urban Outfitters dresses.  They’re definitely going to tell this story first thing at whatever party they are walking to.

This whole time I’m thinking I just can’t yell at this guy and make him more nervous than he already is because  he might crash the car or kick me out of it.  I could see the tension and nervousness in his eyes in the rearview mirror, and in his hunched shoulders.  I had, in fact, lots of sympathy for him.

I remember the first job I got assigned when I was an auditor.  I had just gotten my driver’s license (at age 21, I know!) because it was a job requirement.  Hoping for a client in the city, they put me on a client in New Jersey.  I had only driven with my mom in the suburbs as practice to get my license, and had driven maybe two or three exits on the freeway with my dad a few times.  Suddenly I had to drive from Bayside, Queens to Carteret, NJ during rush hour by myself.  I got in the car for my first day of work, and it was my first time I was ever in a car alone with no one there – much less on the freeway, over bridges and through tolls in New York rush hour traffic for several hours.  But somehow I got over it.  I made it through that first day (though I accidentally left the car battery on while I was in the office) and the second day (when I got a ticket).  Before I knew it, six months had passed and I was driving through sleet and snow, making it home in 45 minutes without traffic.

I looked at this cab driver and I remembered my first time doing stand-up.  How much I had no fucking idea what I was doing and I was so afraid I’d be found out – but I did it anyway.  How it made me want to quit – and then I did quit, for over a year.  Everyone has a rough time in the beginning of anything.  Everyone deserves compassion.

Finally, we get on BQE East and he’s exiting into Greenpoint.  We’re driving down McGuinness  and we are both finally breathing again.  I ask him calmly, “So, how long have you been driving?”  (even though I already knew the answer). This guy was completely embarrassed.  He very sheepishly responded, “Not…very long….” with a nervous laugh (aka “I just got my license at Christmas and have never been on a bridge, highway, or to Brooklyn”).   I thought, hey, this guy is just like Armin Mueller-Stahl in  Night on Earth.

The tense and stomach-cramping ride finally ended when we made it to my house.  The ride took  over half an hour and cost $30.90 – when it should have been less than 15 minutes and  bucks at most.

I took out all the cash I had on me – $20 that I had gotten paid at the show (which I probably wouldn’t have taken if the producers hadn’t  put it in a nice card and envelope).

The cab driver stared incredulously at the $20 and said, “What’s this?!”

I looked at this guy who was new to cab driving and probably new to America, and I knew I could win.  He probably had kids.  He probably wasn’t a douchebag.  He probably felt at least a little guilty about getting us lost.

I said, “I’m sorry, that’s all I can give you.  You didn’t know where you were going half the time and this should have been less than $15.  That’s all the cash I have on me.”

He tried to argue once more and I said, “Listen, I’m a nice person.  I’m not yelling.  Someone else might have given you nothing, so take the $20 and happy new year.

His eyes softened and I knew I had won.

I got out of the car as he defeatedly said, “OK.”

I opened my door and the entire time walking up the stairs I am thinking, “Was that stupid to argue and underpay him? Is he going to remember my address now and throw a rock through my window or vandalize my apartment or leave a flaming bag of poop at the door step?  Is he going to break in right now?  Is he going to run up and ring my doorbell incessantly until I bring him $10 more?  Or was I stupid to give him any money at all?  I should have remembered his name and registration number in case he does come back and tries to mess with me.  He might not come back tonight,  but maybe tomorrow.  With a buddy.  But nah, this guy won’t remember how the hell to drive here.  Or maybe he’s just a decent person who wouldn’t think to do something messed up like that.”

As I closed the door, I heard a short honk of the horn, which I don’t know was him trying to make me come back outside, him letting out frustration (which would have been funny because it was a really cute and  impotent “beep!”), or him trying to get another car’s attention to get directions the hell out of Brooklyn.

Should I have known better how to get to my house?  Yes, I should have known better.  It’s for this reason I’ve taken the G train home latelatelate at night many times – because I was more afraid of getting in a cab with little money and a cab driver who had nooo idea where to go.  Tom has rightfully begged/lectured me since we moved to Greenpoint in October not to take the train late at night for my own safety.  I finally resolved not to do it anymore when he sent me an article about some kid getting attacked while exiting the G train at 2am.  The three times that I had taken cabs home before, the drivers were all surprisingly familiar with Greenpoint, so I was lucky.

From now on I don’t think I’ll have a problem getting home, but I still don’t know if what I did was “right” or the “best” thing.  Was there a logical thing I should have done?  Was I very smart or very foolish to leave the cab the way I did?

Epilogue

I had asked one of my best friends in the world, Beatrice, if she wanted to come with me to Rivers of Honey – although I never actually mentioned the name of the show to her.  She already had plans to go to Connecticut for the day, and I thought of her during the whole show because I knew that this scene and these people would definitely be her thing.  Later on, she Google chatted to ask me if the show I invited her to was at Rivers of Honey.  Apparently, she has become good friends with the producer, Shalonda and has also met several of the performers (including Micia, Dawn and Maija).  It’s an incredibly small world -  one that comes together like this sometimes.

The cab ride had me kind of rattled, but B and I talked on the phone for half an hour at 2am and I finally felt like me again.  I just hope I don’t find a flaming bag of poop on my doorstep tomorrow morning.