It's no "Funze" jumping el sharko!!!

What’s up with the television?!   It is making me sad.

First of all, Gossip Girl is sucking with it’s bad porn hair, TrachtenDuff teen slut double-punch  and threesome?!  Like so many shows, this schizz just doesn’t translate to college.  All the camp was great when these kids were kids, but now we’re supposed to care about them growing up?  Isn’t this show supposed to provide a sort of infantile – albeit, sexy – escapism?

Who cares?! Who cares?! And who cares?!

SYTYCD falls short of its own self-aggrandizing.  This is the opposite of self-fulfilling prophecy.  This is like what’s going to happen to the Kardashians or something.  First of all, Paula Abdul fails to show up after much hullabaloo, the new stage is wack, and there hasn’t been one memorable routine yet (although with all the tears, you’d think they were all Twyla Tharp dances about orphans with cancer).  Plus, boooo to losing the biggest asset ever: Mia Michaels.  And boo to Nigel for patting his own back so much there’s probably a hole in his suit over the right shoulder.  Even former “star” choreography Dan Karaty has fallen so far as to be a COMPETITOR in Bravo’s new “Launch My Line“.  So Mary Murphy will be on Real Housewives of  San Diego next (God knows you don’t actually have to be a wife to be on that show)?!

I don't care if it's a Top 20 of tap dancing Asians - I don't want to see pixels behind dancers unless it's a live show performed below 14th Street!

Ugly Betty is the only show I watch regularly that is just getting better with time.  Becki Newton’s Amanda gets sassier by the eye squint, Justin’s self-discovery/denial is riveting, and a this show is somehow topping itself even though it’s had multiple murders and a tranny since the first season!   Sometimes bigger is better, but mostly it’s that better is better.

Ooooh, child! Jamie Lynn-Sigler's gonna give you some cult juice!