Some shows like Gossip Girl and So You Think You Can Dance are jumping the shark.
SO MANY SHARKS BEING JUMPED!!! :(
A Horribly Productive/Destructive Weekend!
My dear Tommy went back home to Staten Island for the weekend, and I was left to my own devices.
Friday Night: Stayed home to nurse the contrails of my never-ending flu from last weekend. I ended up drinking about 6 servings of miso soup, while watching the following: five hours of Bravo (split between Real Housewives of Atlanta and Las Vegas Taxi Cab Confessions), an episode of Amazing Wedding Cakes, an episode of Bridezillas, Gwyneth Paltrow’s View from the Top, and a horrible Lifetime movie about a Mormon love quadrilateral starring Jennie Garth called A Loss of Innocence. So basically, I drank two gallons of salt water and had estrogen pumped through the television and into my eyeball. It was horrible. I might as well have cut myself or eaten a quart of Rocky Road Ice Cream while dressing up my Barbie doll collection. I literally watched TV for 9 hours. It started at 7pm and lasted until 4am. WHAT KIND OF FREAK AM I?!?!
Saturday: Went to brunch with Adina in the East Village, wandered around Urban Outfitters, and picked up my books on reserve from Greenpoint Library. And you know what? It turns out there’s another Jennifer Kwok who goes to my branch! I know this because I certainly did not order a Japanese manga written in Japanese with no pictures in it (seriously, what is that? )! Then I went home and started reading my actual somehow-in-my-mind-less-dorkier book choice, The Golden Compass. Then, realizing that I probably shouldn’t have ANY more miso for the rest of my life because I had consumed about 12,000 grams of sodium the night before, I decided to order in a Papacitos fish burrito. I ate this while watching Kubrick’s Lolita and marveling at the great acting – Peter Sellers rocks it in this movie, and James Mason and Shelly Winters are no schlubs either. After the movie, I fulfilled my weeklong craving for Haagen Daaz and bought a pint of Bailey’s flavored ice cream at my local pseudo-gourmet grocery market. I went to bed EARLY – like 9pm, after Friday night’s fiasco.
Sunday: Woke up relatively early after 12 hours’ sleep and started going through emails. I grabbed a shower, ran some errands at Rite Aid (where they already have Halloween stuff up, BTW – horrifying!!!!) and bought a couple donuts and coffee from Peter Pan’s, which is now infamous for its Donut Ice Cream Sandwiches. Got back home and edited/practiced my verse for “Trapped in a Dungeon”, a guest-rap-laden song by my buddy Soce, The Elemental Wizard. Then I wrote and practiced my rap verse of a song we’re doing together, “Ride the Bus”, which will be released as a B-side to my single (also produced by and featuring Soce), “Date an Asian”.
After all that musical mayhem, I made some N0-Pudge Brownies and cleaned the house before my Tommy came home (it’s all the Mad Men watching that’s got me acting like robo-live-in-girlfriend). Actually, the brownies were for my former boss, who is letting us stay at her house during our vacation, and Soce, who is hard at work producing all these awesome tracks! I headed over to Manhattan (going from the G to the 7 because there is no service to Manhattan from 23-Ely Ave for the fourth weekend in a row) and met with my former boss to grab keys, directions, etc. Then I headed downtown to record my rhymes with Soce.
Continuing with the self abuse, I came home not having eaten any dinner – BUT buying a goddamn Van Leeuwen ice cream while waiting for the bus on Bedford Ave. WHY?!?!?!?! Ugh, that ice cream is so good it’s hard for me to eat other ice cream now…. It didn’t melt once while I was waiting 15 minutes for that bus – not a square millimeter of it. It’s perfect!!!!
Finally, I got home and found my dear Tommy there, uploading a ton of pictures of his weekend at home, along with adorable 10 second videos of his dog running around and drinking water – videos that, BTW, would probably get more YouTube hits than all my videos combined if uploaded!
It was nice to be kind of left alone this weekend, but between the miso/ice cream diet and 9-hour lady film festival, I really don’t think I’d last very long. However, it was superfun to indulge, and I was glad to channel my inner rap star and try a new outlet for my creativity.
And now, for whatever reason, I can’t seem to go to bed just yet. But…a girl has to try.
Good night!
Gossip Girl: You Can't Escape Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl is like Perez Hilton. That bitch is everywhere, and she just don’t quit.
What a great season finale!!! It was especially great compared to that crap-fest of last week’s flashback episode. Anyway, it was gratifying to see so much “resolved” within the hour – of course, only to have it unraveled again next season.
Stuff I loved:
LOVE – BLAIR LOOKED GREAT!!! LOVE!
Gorgeous! Perfect!
SO PRETTY!!!
SEXY.
LOVE – Blair naming Jenny “Queen”. Love.
*giggle* “Not enough!” *smile*
LOVE – Wrapping up the stupid Ponzi scheme subplot quickly with a brief phone call from Regina. No unnecessary bull crap. Love.
LOVE – Serena’s stupid ass and Carter Basin’s stupid ass together. Great! I love it. Keeps them quarantined from other human beings for awhile. LOVE.
LOVE – They bring back the Dan/Serena/Eric/Jenny half-bro plot line by finally freakin’ showing the guy. Love.
LOVE – CHUCK AND BLAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVELOVELOVE!Yaaaaaaay. SO romantic! Better than Disney. But still with white people. Yaaaay!
Stuff that was NOT OK!!!
Not OK – Serena wears JUST her graduation tassel in her hair because she’s soooo free-spirited? Not OK.Stupid hippie.
Not OK – Serena repurposing a Snuggie and/or Slanket as an excuse to show side boob. NOT OK.
Losing model in a Project Runway Slanket challenge.
Not OK – Lily and Rufus tokin’? Weird. Not O.K.
Not OK – Georgina coming back next season. AUGHGHGHGHGHGH!!! Nothing makes me angrier than seeing Michelle Trachtenburg’s name in the credits. Blood pressure rising. NOT OKAY!!!
Not OK – EVERYONE going to NYU?! NOOOOOT OK.
Closing Thoughts:
This season was definitely hit or miss, but the overall Gossip Girl essence was maintained: drama, fashion, humor, side boob. I’m glad that the show is continuing on, but is college gonna make it better (Gilmore Girls), mediocre (Beverly Hills, 90210), weirder (Boy Meets World) or completely fucking ridiculous (Saved By the Bell)?
All I can say is, I want the fashion to keep going, but you can’t possibly have me believe that these guys are gonna run from class to class in Lincoln Town Cars and stilettos…right? I mean, what NYU student always dresses up to go to class? OK, maybe Korean girls, but come on!!! Can we get Blair some pants?
Also, I am dreading this BS that they are gonna live in the dorms – especially with Regina there. WHERE will Blair put her clothes! At least have her and Serena share an outrageously large duplex in the West Village (after she somehow gets herself kicked out of Brown and transfers to NYU due to some shenanigans). I also can’t wait for how lame they’re going to make college parties look.
Well, what the future holds we won’t know for another 3 months, but for now, let us bask once again in the kiss heard around the world:AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! No matter WHAT happens, we’ll always have this moment! ALWAYS! This happened! 
Question of the week:
What do you look forward to next season?
Gossip Girl: Let's Stick to ONE Show
OK, so this week we had a terrible situation where the new flashback/door pilot, “Valley Girls” was as seamlessly integrated into the regular Gossip Girl as B&T crowds in Williamsburg. (You can shop at H&M, you can shop at Forever 21, but we draw the line at STRAWBERRY.)
And speaking of Williamsburg, I live near Hipsterville, USA and basically everyone I see looks like this:
An Olsen Twin and a quirky video artist with second hand boots. See your outfits next month at Beacon’s Closet!
It’s great.
So we had a super rad time watching the show Monday night, though! Christina was back in town. Amelia and I wore our Team Blair shirts, and EVERYONE wore headbands – including Tom and our friend Samantha’s 19 month old, Olivia, who squealed with delight anytime we had a group reaction to anything on the show This show is cross-generational.
Everyone was in agreement that Blair’s dress was GORGEOUS:
Pretty fantasy dress!
Let’s take a closer look:
Still pretty!!!!!!
Chuck was also very dapper (words of Tom) in his tux, which was a total throwback to the Dean Martin/Rat Pack days:
Pass this guy a Cuban.
Huge issue with Serena’s dress, which looks neither Jenny-designed nor fitting with the “let’s show off Blake’s new cans” theme. I’m not computing:
Low boob dress.
Some stuff that WAS awesome:
Good looks of Rufus + Techno savvy of Zack Morris = WUTWUT!
And “To the Impala!”? GREAT. Amazing. But that’s all you’re good for, “Valley Girls”. That and a montage of Brittany Snow (who can’t act) trying on as many camel toe-enabling outfits as she can. It’s like the opening sequence of the “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” movie. Or “Clueless”. Or the original “Valley Girl” movie. All movies that did it better – and when Melissa Joan Hart has you beat, it’s time to give up!
Unfortch, this trip to La La Land left SO MANY things unresolved:
-HELLO, Georgina/Poppy Lifton situation
-Rufus’ mangina
-Dan going to Yale? Maybe now’s the time to take that full scholarship to Smith.
-Not that we care, but Serena and Gabe
-Eric quota unfulfilled
-Need more Vitamin Water references
-CHUCK AND BLAIRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Let’s take one last look at Blair’s wonderfulness:
As iconic as any of Carrie’s dresses.
I can’t believe that the season is over, but I must say that although I <3 this show forever and ever, it so went downhill during the second half of the season. WTF?! Ughhh, new writers. There was that whole 2 month gap, and then THIS crap?! I can’t deal – let’s hope for a better season three.
After watching this episode, we played the GG “Never Have I Ever” Game, which Amelia brought over:
http://www.amazon.com/Imagination-Gossip-Girl-Board-Game/dp/B001DZN2II
Favorite Question: “Never have I ever drank on school property like that time Georgina sent a case of champagne to S.”
Let me tell you, it was great! And we weren’t even drunk…. Tom even joined the fun with us girls and invented his own acronym: OMGWAIGR (Oh my God, WHAT am I gonna roll?!). It takes a real man.
Who Wants To Download a Kirk Cameron Movie?!
This episode got off to a slooow start. It took about 20 minutes before I even started writing anything down, ugh. Nothing of importance ever happens when they play that “mischievous” pizzacato violin music….
If you look like this on Day Two, there’s no such thing as a “walk of shame”.
*
Favorite things about this episode:
“Faux-cialate”!
This kids solving crimes was SOOO “The Boxcar Children”!
The writers wants us to believe that Georgina is the same size as Blair! Not with those big bones….
What? They didn’t have Wii Fit in the woods?
*
“Are you a Carrie? I’m a Charlotte!” Hahaha.
I loved this confrontation between Chuck and Blair at the hotel bar. How does Leighton Meester get the tear-perfect take? Whatever, it ain’t over.
I was reminded to download Kirk Cameron movies, like this sci-fi fantasy drama set in Spain: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0190524/
Worst things about this episode:
How come all these Dove Fresh “Real NYC Stories Revealed” feature girls who work in fashion? UGHHHH!
Lily is nuts, dude! Giving her man money behind his back, arresting her own daughter and wearing a prom up do in the daytime?!
Um, you crazy.
*
Poppy and Georgina were at Shi in Long Island City for the last scene! I think it’s great that GG shoots a LOT in LIC (including CommuniTea cafe in the past), but this one was super obvious. We know who to blame as mainstream America continues to think that Queens is like Eddie Murphy’s “Coming to America”.
Who has club bathroom lighting for their mug shot? Did Lily have them build a photo studio and hire Gilles Bensimon to take the picture too?!
Yes, please do put her the hell away!
*
Georgina flip flops. UGHHH, who is this pair of Havaianas?! If you’re gonna Stepford it out, don’t bait ‘n switch after one episode!
I’m excited to see the 80s flashbacks next week of Lily ROSE. However, I don’t know if the new series will really have legs. We’ll see!
Question of the Week:
How did Rufus fubar his proposal to Lily:
a) He didn’t bring matches.
b) It was during the middle of the day
c) Who eats ribs and scallops in the middle of the day?!
d) ______________________ (write your own)
GG Should Stay Away From Financial Intrigue
I loved the opening scene where Nate was trying to teach Blair how to get on the subway: “Please don’t ask this of me.” I love our little drama queen!
Love the coat, not so hot on the bag.
*
I was a little annoyed by a continuity issue though: they have totally shown Blair and Serena downtown before – and in fact, they’ve even shown them in Soho (which is where Nate and Blair were, although I think they were trying to portray the neighborhood as the East Village/NYU?). UGHH,
ANYWAY, why all the hating on Murray Hill? Nate TOTALLY looks like one of those collar up “bro” dudes in Murray/Curry Hill who walks around in their college letters. Though if he really wants to live equidistant between NYU/Columbia, that would be more like Koreatown, my friend.
Dude, dude, dude. Bro. Yeah bro, let’s grab some brews after the Zog game. Let’s go to Ginger Man, dude! Dude!!! Bro! Braaaaa?
*
I’ve really had enough of this do-gooder tobacco baron! EWWW. He’s the only person who mumbles more than Serena. “Serena didn’t steal me. She swept me away.” Because she’s so exquisite? Ugh, God. Also, this guy’s hotel room looks like the lounge of a MePa ladies’ room. I hate this storyline, and I REALLY didn’t have the patience to hear about all that crap about Butter…which, BY THE WAY, is right near NYU.
Whatever, it’s time for a picture of Blair:
GORGEOUS, are you kidding me?! I love this girl.
*
BTW, Dorota’s a Mets fan?! Awesome!!!
Also, did anyone else catch the Dove “Real NYC Stories Revealed”? This week they had Chrissie Miller aka Jenny Humphrey +20 years.
This episode annoyed me on many levels – I thought the Blair-Nate-Chuck thing was so tired. PLUS, I don’t want any further Georgina nonsense. She was HILARIOUS as a brain washed Salvation Army camp counselor. On Serena: “I have so much love in my heart for that girl.” Awesome! Scientology is working out for you! Just leave her in the damn woods, Chuck!
Just leave her to Popsicle sticks and pipe cleaner crafts, Chuck. Just because you are dressed like P. Diddy’s manservant doesn’t mean you can’t travel alone!
*
Now let’s turn to the middle class honkies on this show:
First of all, thank god they added a little more volume to Jenny’s hair!
Second, YES to Rufus selling the Lincoln Hawk catalog!!! “Every time you walk away or run away, You take a piece of me with you there….” Hallmark singing card! Bam! Right there! Or maybe a a cell phone commercial? Nike walking/running shoes? I don’t know, the possibilities are endless.
License that shit, make tons of money like Moby, and then your kids won’t have to “chip in” to buy an ugly ass engagement ring for their dad’s girlfriend. Because WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT RING?! It looked like some SkyMall catalog recreation of a LOTR ring – hideo! Lily does not wear things that look like they are from the craft fair at Union Square – even if it is “vintage”!!!
And finally, someone on this show has a BEER!!! Leave it to Vanessa to have manlier tastes than any of the “men” on this show. However, I have to say that it looked a little wack how she was tamely sipping on one bottle with the rest of the six pack neatly displayed on the table. Set dressers: if you are seriously upset, you don’t even bother to take it out of the bag…right?! People, am I right?!
Unforch, I think that GG has been a little derailed. First of all, it seems like Blair likes NEITHER Nate nor Chuck, so can we just move on and focus on getting her some other love interests? Do we really want to go down this plot line about a bunch of high schoolers getting involved in some Ponzi scheme? Not really looking forward to next week’s episode.
And I’m ESPECIALLY not looking forward to next season, where I’m sure we’ll see these kids living “on their own” in massive, decked out apartments in trendy neighborhoods. Also, I like the taboo-ness of watching HIGH SCHOOLERS sleep around with each other. Watching college students in post-coital conversation is like watching pigs eat slop – who cares?!
So anyway guys, what’s MOB? Vote:
a) Most Official Bitch
b) Mail-order Bride
c) Money Over Bitches/Member Of Bloods
d) ________________________ (write your own)
GG Note: I Love These People As If They Were My Own Dolls That I Sometimes Play With When I'm Feeling Alone
As every modern writer (aka blogger) knows, there will be in a moment in your life when you accidentally closed your browser/shut down your computer without saving draft.
Yeah, you get it.
So, I don’t have my original blow-by-blow, but how about a few highlights?
……….
OVERALL
This episode rocked. My. Fucking. World. I thought it was hilarious, and one of the better-paced episodes (although I do appreciate a good simmering poignant moment here and there). Reasons for the success: reducing Rufus/Lily to the comic relief buffoons they SHOULD be, no more Nate-Vanessa nonsense, and hello – CYRUS IS BACK (cue Jock Jams IV)!
Also, Lady + Lady = Special Tinglies^n
Fancy schoolgirls getting cozy makes me feel like a 50-year-old civil engineer reading Blender magazine on Sunday night with a glass of cabernet because I’m “interested in music” and too scared to buy that “Big Butt Magazine” that I always see at subway newsstands.
……….
MUSIC
Speaking of life pumping beats, the soundtrack on this epi was kickin, too! I loved the Verve Remixed vibe of the cocktail party, following around our gal Blair with “Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby?” and “Whatever Lola Wants (Lola Gets).”
On the flip side, I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that Flo Rida crap, but it was a cute little way to underscore the “Hey, these ociety events are going to crap in a funny way!” portion of the story. Take THAT, Flo Rida – your shit is cute! Like Peeps. And my boyfriend’s white ass.
PS <3 the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs song.
……….
SERENA
I love that we are continuing this NCR paper cycle of:
“I am so ‘wild’ and ‘crazy’, but then I find this guy I have a ‘CRAZY’ connection with, but then I realize that maybe I’m really not that ‘crazy’ after all, because he wants to be in this open relationship, and I just don’t think I’m ready for that. Right…? I mean, oh GOD…maybe I’m just being too unadventurous and…immature! I mean, I just want to like, LIVE, you know? I just want to explore. I just want to be a free spirit like…like…oh my God…oh my GOD…like…like MOM?!
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME BACK TO YOU, MOM??? I HATE you! I am so SICK and TIRED of you being a nymphomaniac who was a subpar role model for me, Serena, who is SICK and TIRED of always trying to be perfect, and always trying to be what everyone ELSE wants me to be because I have no idea who I am, so how can I be who I AM?!?! I guess….? Ugh, I have to talk to Blair, but her problems are more earth shattering than mine this week. UGHHH. Eric????????????”
……….
THINGS I HATE
Corporal Ugly McTotallyDon’tLookLikeMyNameShouldBeGabrielQuestionMark? That dude is like a future Madoff on the sleaze scale. Why do they continue to find these uncharismatic Barneys for Serena? This guy is the rolled oat to Aaron Rose’s granola. BOOOOOO. Refund!!! Refund, please! Can you please credit that back to my card? OK, thanks.
Oh…REGINA is coming back? PUKE.
Everyone was always going to end up at a college in the city. Now we just know how it’s going to FUCKING play out. Blair, go to NYU. Nate, go to Columbia. Serena, go to FIT. Dan, go to Barnard.
Jenny + Chuck = Weird Moment. CW, DO NOT tell adolescent girls that it’s ok to date their almost-rapist because said almost-rapist has “changed”, and that’s what guys will do for you if you are pretty and thin enough.
Chaaaanging Habits.
It suppoooosedly takes 21 days for something to become a habit. Good habit, bad habit – all habits nonetheless. Since taking a break from performing, I’ve noticed that I have inadvertently changed quite a few of my behaviors. I am no longer: 1. Obsessively, COMPULSIVELY, CONstantly checking my Gmail, faceboook, andoccasionallyMySpace. 2. Drinking coffee every [...]
GG Remains of the J: Seriously, Nate is so Gay….
Recap of Gossip Girl episode Remains of the J on March 30, 2009
Seriously, Anyone?! You Guys?! DELOCATED?!?!?!?!
delocated is the best show on adult swim